Don’t Waste Your Lonely Christmas

I work in a leading Christian church in the bustling city of Colombo. This role often requires sacrificing personal time, including spending Christmas Eve with my family in Nuwara Eliya, a 5–8-hour drive away. It was a compromise I gladly made back then because I had my wife by my side, making the season special. After Christmas Mass, my wife and I followed a cherished tradition for over six years. We would drive to Marine Drive to enjoy a festive Christmas lunch with her parents at our favorite restaurant. Those afternoons were filled with joy, laughter, and delicious food, making Christmas feel like the best time of the year. Each celebration seemed magical, a highlight of our lives. Unfortunately, life is unpredictable, and everything changed dramatically three years ago. A devastating road accident set off events that altered my life forever.

Life became unbearably lonely, especially during Christmas. For the past three years, this festive season has felt hollow, a shadow of its former self. To make matters worse, my father passed away on September 19th, 2020, leaving a void in my heart and family. He had always been our anchor and a source of strength during trying times. Perhaps you’re reading this because you also feel the sting of loneliness. Maybe you’ve recently endured a divorce, become unemployed, or are grieving the loss of a loved one. You could still be grappling with the aftermath of the Easter bombings or the devastating COVID-19 pandemic. Perhaps you’re a senior citizen spending your golden years in an elder’s home, longing for visits from children halfway across the world, unable to travel. Loneliness touches us all differently but leaves its mark just the same.

Yet, even in the bleakest of times, you and I have a choice. Loneliness may threaten to engulf us, but we can either succumb to despair or do something positive to lift ourselves out of it. While it’s tempting to dwell on what we’ve lost, the Holy Bible the sacred texts of Christianity offers timeless wisdom for moments like these. St. Paul’s life provides a profound example, especially during his final years. Imprisoned, deserted by friends, and awaiting execution, Paul had every reason to despair. Yet, he chose to focus on hope and action instead. In his letters, we see a man who, despite his circumstances, found strength in his faith and his mission. Paul’s strategies for enduring and overcoming isolation remain as relevant today as they were in his time. These choices, though simple, hold immense power to reshape our perspective and brighten even the loneliest Christmas.

When Christmas is lonely: Find Healthy Company

Paul didn’t like to be alone; it wasn’t the way God designed him (neither you nor me). He cherished the presence of his friends and sought companionship even in his final days. In 2 Timothy 4:9-10, Paul urged Timothy to visit him quickly because others had abandoned him. (For those unfamiliar, 2 Timothy is the second letter out of two letters, that Paul wrote to Timothy, a young pastor in Ephesus, an ancient Roman colony.) Paul even sent Tychicus to manage the church in Ephesus so Timothy could be free to travel. This act shows how much Paul valued relationships, even in the face of death. Loneliness is a powerful emotion, and even someone as strong as Paul needed support during difficult times. His story serves as a reminder that seeking connection is not a weakness but a deeply human response to life’s challenges, especially during the Christmas season.

Paul was a natural people person, but not everyone shares this trait. Some of us are introverts, thriving in solitude and finding large crowds overwhelming. While introverts may function well on their own most of the time, no one can go through life entirely alone. Substitutes like work, entertainment, pets, or extra sleep may fill the void temporarily but often fall short during festive seasons like Christmas. This time of year magnifies the need for meaningful connections, making it essential to reach out. You might invite someone for a meal or fellowship. If your home is too small, opt for a nearby, budget-friendly restaurant. Even hosting a movie night or sleepover with a friend can combat loneliness. Choose your company wisely, though; avoid those who constantly complain or gossip, as their negativity may drain your spirit further. Surround yourself with uplifting relationships.

For me, connecting with mentors and senior pastors is especially valuable during the Christmas season. Their wisdom and encouragement provide strength to face moments of isolation. For others, technology can bridge the gap, offering a means to stay in touch. Arrange video calls with loved ones through Skype, WhatsApp, or Zoom to feel closer despite physical distance. Many Internet Service Providers offer special holiday deals, making it easier to connect virtually without worrying about cost. Take advantage of these tools to maintain relationships and create meaningful interactions. Proactive steps like these can transform a lonely Christmas into a time of warmth, joy, and renewed purpose. The effort to connect, whether in person or virtually, is well worth it, bringing hope to even the most solitary moments.

When Christmas is lonely: Reflect on the past

In 2 Timothy 4:11, St. Paul instructs Timothy to bring Mark with him, hoping that Mark will be of help. This Mark is none other than John Mark, the same person St. Paul refused to take along on his second missionary journey. The change in Paul’s perception is remarkable. While awaiting his execution, it’s unclear whether Paul reflected on his previous dispute with Barnabas over John Mark. However, what is evident is that Paul’s view of Mark had evolved. This shift in attitude teaches us an important lesson. Even people we once disagreed with or rejected can become valuable to us in different seasons of life. It’s a reminder that our perspectives can change, and we can find reconciliation where there was once division. Reflecting on our past misunderstandings and allowing for growth in ourselves and others is essential in moving forward and embracing the opportunity for deeper relationships.

It is one thing to dwell on the past, but an entirely different thing to reflect on it. Someone once said, “It’s one thing to look in the rear-view mirror, but it’s another thing to stare at it.” Dwelling in the past leads to regret, bitterness, and an inability to move forward. We get stuck in what was, unable to break free from past mistakes or lost opportunities. On the other hand, reflecting on the past allows us to learn from it. Reflection helps us identify our mistakes, gain wisdom, and move beyond them. It is about using the lessons learned to create a brighter future. When we reflect, we embrace growth, understanding, and healing. Reflection is not about constantly looking backward but learning from the past to ensure that we can navigate our present and future with clarity and hope. The choice is ours: we can stay trapped in the past or use it to shape a better tomorrow.

It’s one thing to look in the rear-view mirror but wholly another thing to stare.

Anonymous

For me, Christmas, though lonely for the past three years, has been an opportunity to learn through reflection. Reflecting on my broken marriage has given me the wisdom to build better relationships with my co-workers. I’ve learned the importance of communication, forgiveness, and understanding. Reflecting on my father’s untimely death has taught me to cherish family more deeply than ever before. I’ve come to appreciate every moment spent with loved ones, knowing how quickly life can change. In these times of reflection, I’ve gained insight into how to live a fuller life, with gratitude for what I have and hope for what is to come. This Christmas, I encourage you to take the time to reflect on your own life. What lessons can you learn from your experiences, both good and bad? What changes can you make for a brighter future? Reflection can turn loneliness into growth and despair into hope.

When Christmas is lonely: Look after Yourself

In 2 Timothy 4:13, Paul instructs Timothy to bring him his coat. Now, one might wonder, what use could a coat be to a man awaiting execution in solitary confinement? It’s possible Paul was being held in an underground dungeon—places far from hospitable. Dungeons in those days were not fit for human habitation. They were infested with rats, cockroaches, and had a pungent smell of poisonous fungi. The damp and cold air, untouched by sunlight, made them unbearable. Paul was staring death in the face, yet he had the assurance of eternal life with Jesus Christ. Still, while waiting for that moment, Paul knew he had work to do, and for that, he needed to care for his physical well-being. The coat wasn’t just for warmth—it was a symbol of self-care during his most challenging time, reminding us that even in adversity, we should protect ourselves from the harsh elements.

When my wife left, I stopped looking after myself. I became absorbed in my work and neglected my own health. I became a workaholic, skipping meals, and when I did eat, it was often junk food. I stayed up late watching Netflix to distract myself from the emotional pain. My preaching blog was left untouched, my vision was abandoned, and I blamed myself for everything that had gone wrong. Things only worsened after my father passed away. Grief-stricken, I spent hours lamenting over the precious moments I had lost with him, often feeling overwhelmed by emotion. Yet, despite the turmoil, I did nothing to address my health until I became physically ill with a severe gastritis attack and appendicitis—my fifth time battling it. That was when I realized that no amount of regret could bring my father back. It was also when I realized that I needed to move on, regardless of whether my wife would return. After recovering, I committed to exercising, eating healthy, and getting the rest I had long neglected.

This Christmas, even if it’s lonely, make it a priority to take care of yourself because it’s during these seasons of solitude that we need our health the most. Loneliness can take a significant toll on both our emotional and physical well-being. It can lead to poor decision-making, unhealthy habits, and a general decline in our ability to cope with life’s challenges. When you don’t have anyone around to care for you, it’s even more crucial to stay strong and maintain your health. You can’t afford to fall ill when no one is there to attend to you, especially during the holidays. Taking care of your body, eating well, and exercising can help you stay energized and focused, giving you the strength to face whatever comes your way. We must remember that we can survive any situation, no matter how difficult, if we are physically and mentally fit. This holiday season, focus on your well-being, so you can endure the tough times and thrive, even in solitude.

When Christmas is lonely: Make yourself Useful

We often make two major mistakes when we’re lonely. The first is overworking to avoid the pain of solitude. While this may provide a temporary distraction, it ultimately leads to feelings of underachievement. Overworking is an unhealthy habit that drains your energy without offering any real satisfaction. You may find yourself busy without being productive, constantly running in circles but never achieving meaningful results. The second mistake is doing nothing at all. When we don’t engage in healthy activities, our minds can become the devil’s workshop, leading to negative thinking and despair. I have experienced both approaches, and I can confidently say that neither is productive. The solution is finding balance—by doing meaningful work that benefits others. Instead of either overworking or being idle, we should aim to be useful, contributing positively to the lives of those around us.

This is exactly what St. Paul did. In 2 Timothy 4:13, he instructed Timothy to bring his scrolls and especially the parchments. Scrolls were copies of the Bible written on papyrus, while parchments were made from goatskin and served as fresh writing material. Paul didn’t allow his imprisonment to overwhelm him with loneliness or frustration. Instead, he used his time in prison to continue writing and encouraging his fellow Christians. He authored four letters while in confinement—Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon. As a tentmaker, Paul could have easily chosen to overwork, making tents even in jail, or he could have succumbed to idleness. However, he chose to be useful to others, continuing his ministry even while facing death. More than 2,000 years later, we still benefit from the letters and encouragement Paul wrote during his time of solitude.

I’ve gone through periods of loneliness where I either overworked myself or did nothing at all, and both approaches were counterproductive. Eventually, I realized the need to find a balance by making myself useful to others. I began helping friends and family with their blogs and websites, which reignited my passion for blogging—a passion I’ve had for over thirteen years. I don’t consider myself a professional writer, but I know my work blesses others. The impact of what we do often extends beyond our lifetimes. Maybe my writing will bless even more people long after I’m gone. This Christmas, I encourage you to find ways to be useful to others. Your work may not seem to bear fruit immediately, and you might not see the results in your lifetime. But, in the end, you’ll leave this world knowing that you contributed to making someone else’s life better.

Wrap Up

You can use the principles I mentioned above not just during the Christmas season but throughout the year. I am not saying everything will work out like a charm if you follow these principles. Even after more than three years, I still miss my wife. I miss my father. After all, only three months have passed since he left this world. I always feel lonely, but it doesn’t sting me anymore. One advantage of living alone is that you have plenty of time for creativity and innovation. Use that time wisely. Remember, you can’t choose what happens to you in life. Loneliness can visit you whether you like it or not. Sooner or later, you will face loneliness. It’s part of the human experience. However, how you respond to loneliness is entirely in your control. Choose to respond wisely, not by succumbing to despair but by finding meaning in solitude. The key is to turn loneliness into an opportunity for growth, reflection, and action.

Loneliness is a challenge many of us face, but it doesn’t have to define our lives. You may feel the sting of loneliness at times, but the way you respond can shape your future. Even after enduring years of missing loved ones, I’ve learned that there is value in solitude. It has given me opportunities to reflect, to learn, and to grow. While loneliness can be painful, it can also provide the space needed for self-improvement. You may not have control over your circumstances, but you do have control over how you respond. Use your time wisely by engaging in activities that bring value to yourself and others. Avoid falling into the traps of overworking or doing nothing at all. Instead, channel your energy into creative endeavors, personal development, or helping others. Let loneliness become the catalyst for your personal growth and allow it to strengthen you for the future.

Loneliness is inevitable for most of us at some point in life. It’s important to remember that while we can’t always control when loneliness strikes, we can control how we respond to it. Life doesn’t always unfold the way we expect, but we can make the most of our time. Reflect on how you’ve responded to loneliness in the past and think about how you can use it to fuel growth. Perhaps you’ve found new hobbies, rekindled old passions, or developed deeper relationships with others. You can use your time to learn new skills, improve your health, or deepen your spiritual life. This Christmas and throughout the year, use your loneliness to your advantage by finding opportunities for growth, creativity, and connection. You may still feel lonely at times, but with each healthy response to loneliness, you’ll find more peace and fulfillment in your life. Your response will determine the impact of loneliness on your life.

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